Strange Love

Concept: Dream catcher bra

Why I need to Start Talking

About a month ago I tried to quit the burlesque troupe I was involved in. I had a series of issues with a minority of members sending me very shitty e-mails about work that I was doing for the troupe—work that I had been doing for the past 9 months. I had tried multiple times to work this issue out with the leader of the troupe and I had finally had enough.

When I called the troupe leader to inform her of this decision, it didn’t go well. She tried to reason me out of leaving, but I was dead set. I was done. Then, through tears, she told me that she was hoping I wouldn’t leave because she wanted to hand the troupe over to me. She continued on about how she can’t stand the thought of putting on a corset anymore, and how she was dreading the troupe’s next project (a horror film with a local filmmaker and friend of the troupe). I told her I needed to think about it. I requested a month with no contact with the troupe.

I kept myself busy, but missed the troupe and missed my friends. I had to constantly remind myself to hold off on trying to book a venue or ask a performer to join. I was typically unsuccessful at this. I made a point of keeping my mouth shut, too. In my opinion, if the troupe leader was tired, it was nobody’s business but her own. A few of the girls asked me if I was going to come back, and I assured them that I would. When someone asked me point blank about what happened, I would tell them, referring only vaguely to the troupe leader’s offer. In retrospect, I wish I’d talked more.

A month later, the troupe leader and I met. After being 30mins late, she talked about the troupe’s Facebook page and meeting attendance. Eventually, she asked me if I was going to come back. I looked out the window. “The only reason I would come back is because of what you said on the phone.” She immediately started backpedaling.

We talked about her staying on in an advisory role. We talked about someone else emceeing (sometimes) since she no longer wished to. We talked about her directing all of the shows. I told her that she could have anything she wanted, I just didn’t want to be shit on anymore. She asked for a week to think about it.

In the course of this conversation, I also learned that her major problem with me had been a poster design that a third party had done for a show I ran. Additionally, she had brought in the main person who was abusing me to put me in my place. She also accused me of having ulterior motives in all of my dealings with the troupe.

She and I met for the final time last night. She told me that without my knowledge, she had discussed my potential leadership position with the rest of the troupe. She sat in front of them, explained to them how I was trying to take over the troupe and, I imagine through tears, asked them if they wanted her to resign. They decided they wanted her as their leader. I doubt she mentioned that the entire conversation began because she asked me to be the troupe’s new leader.

I initially joined this troupe almost two years ago in attempt to help her. I thought she was my friend, and when the troupe dwindled down to only two members, I started Burlesque Beta. I have since run nine of these events (1 per month), with between 6 and 15 performers. I’ve desperately searched every performer crevice in our small town and have probably sent over 500 cold Facebook messages and e-mails, most of which were never responded to. The troupe had expanded to more than 15 members by the time I left, and we had multiple performance opportunities (4, up from 1 the entire year proceeding) with more on the way. When the troupe leader stopped leading, I took over scheduling the meetings, finding meeting spaces, and writing the agendas. I also started posting on the Facebook group, again, which had lain dormant for 7 months. I got hundreds of new “likes” and bumped the page’s reach into the thousands.

It didn’t bother me that I did all of this without recognition. The troupe leader getting credit made the troupe stronger. Plus, I always believed in my heart that the important people knew about all the work that I did. Now, all of the work I did has been basically stolen and used against me. I’ve been the leader in all but name.  She offered me the position as a ploy, just to yank it back and make me look terrible. Why?